You know you're Indian-American when...

  • Someone in your family owns a motel
  • You drive a Japanese car
  • Your father is a doctor or engineer
  • You’re in med school, or have siblings and/or cousins in med school
  • Tongue scrapers are not a new fad to you
  • You have drinking glasses made of steel
  • It’s normal to see a swastika when you enter a family friend’s home
  • Somewhere in your house, there is a photo of an old person wearing a garland of flowers
  • Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15 (and it worked)
  • You have a 40-lb bag of rice in your pantry
  • You’ve had a bowl haircut at one point in your life
  • You’re an expert bargainer
  • You can predict the plot of every Bollywood movie
  • Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors
  • You are regularly asked if you’re related to or happen to know other Indians in town
  • Everyone thinks you’re good at math
  • Everyone thinks you’re a good speller
  • Your parents have never kissed you
  • You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents
  • You have to call all your parents’ friends “Auntie” and “Uncle”
  • Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say, “Eat it.  It’s still good.”
  • You’re taller than your parents
  • You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine
  • Your mom buys corn oil by the gallon
  • (For females) Your parents would freak out if you wore a shirt baring your midriff, but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable
  • (For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 10 pm
  • (For females) While other women get their eyebrows waxed, you get yours threaded
  • When you were little you always wondered why your American friends waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in the morning
  • You know somebody with the nickname Chotu, Chicku, and/or Pinky
  • Your parents insist on calling you “beta” in public
  • If you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands and proclaim that it's too late
  • A horoscope must decide your wedding date
  • You are sick and tired of answering questions about “the dot”
  • You’ve been asked if you worship cows and/or elephants
  • Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and cite America’s high divorce rate
  • You reuse gift wrapping paper, boxes, and of course aluminium foil
  • You are always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport
  • You secure your baggage with a rope
  • You own a rice cooker or pressure cooker
  • You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table
  • All your Tupperware is stained with food color
  • You have lots of Taco Bell sauce packets in your glove compartment and/or pantry
  • You teach white people swear words in your langauge
  • Your mom never uses measuring cups while cooking
  • When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, they discover they’re talking to a distant cousin
  • When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of a child who has moved out
  • You use Vicks Vapor Rub
  • You know what a Bio Data is and may even have your own
  • You use grocery bags as garbage bags
  • You order your drinks without ice
  • You (or a relative) have put oil in your hair
  • You take note when you see other desis in public, and either smile back or ignore the older ones who are happy to see another brown person
  • You have to spell out your name over the phone
  • You’ve been asked if you speak Indian